At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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