Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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