I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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