i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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