Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
