Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
