Soap is not a condiment
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
