My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
