is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I won the penis lottery.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
