I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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