If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize