I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
