he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
