it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
