So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
