and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
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