9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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