I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
