And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
