think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
