Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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