Where did you get a picture of my penis
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
