you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
