Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
