Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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