oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize