btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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