All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
