Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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