My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
