We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
