He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're a waste of cheezeits
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
