Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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