Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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