five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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