Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We are all done wearing pants today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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