Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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