I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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