ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
