I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I deserve this hangover.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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