she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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