Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
