You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
