I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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