Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
