Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
