I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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