those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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