dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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