Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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