u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
