i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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