Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
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We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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