can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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