I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
