i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
