What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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