Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
