the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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