would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
