Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
