I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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