Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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