are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize