Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
