can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
