FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
