it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
