Pappa wants mamma naked
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
