I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
