please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
BRING THE BAGELS
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
