i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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