Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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