didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
