she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
