forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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